It’s so easy sometimes to get stuck in our own minds, dealing with our own demons, behind our own masks.
It’s so easy to forget that the people around us are fighting their own battles and dealing with their own struggles and trying their best just to make it in this world.
It’s human nature to think of our own needs first, to jump to conclusions, and assume the worst in a situation and in the others around us, but sometimes if we take a second to step back and look at the situation from someone else’s angle, the answers are so much more clear.
Lately, my faith has been tested, along with my patience, many times. I have experienced more emotions within the past week than I think I have in my entire life combined. I have felt happy, sad, elated, ecstatic, depressed, hopeful, hopeless, at peace, uncertain, excited, terrified, angry–the list goes on and on.
A little over a week ago, I chose to speak my silence about a topic that is extremely personal to me. I received support from a lot of people and felt so much love and encouragement from people that I never would have expected to step up and be there for me. But there were also people that I would have thought would be there that weren’t. There were people that I thought for sure would love me and support me and stand by my side as I faced this storm that were nowhere to be found.
For a moment, I allowed myself to focus on these people. Rather than bask in the support of the people rallying around me, I focused on trying to fill in the blanks as to why some people were choosing to be absent. Why some people chose to leave class while I spoke about something that took so much courage and blind faith, why some people saw the things that I posted via social media outlets and the comments of my loved ones showing support, yet chose to ignore the situation and keep to themselves about it. I chose to let myself hurt over these insignificant few people that weren’t there, rather than allow my heart to be overwhelmed with joy over the significant amount of people that were.
I don’t know why I have always felt the need to fill in the blanks myself when I am faced with uncertainty, but it is something that I have struggled with many times in my life. Instead of just accepting a certain situation as it is, I try and understand why it didn’t go the way that I had hoped it would go. I spend so much time and energy trying to understand the choices and actions of others, when it’s absolutely none of my business why they chose to react the way that they did.
Perhaps these people are facing demons of their own, or maybe they weren’t aware that their response came across the way that it did. Maybe they are being tested in their own way, going through their own challenges, or don’t have the time and energy to worry about me. The minute you remove yourself from a situation and view it from another angle, the easier it is to understand and accept that you probably have nothing to do with the way they are (or aren’t) reacting.
Everyone has struggles and demons and problems, and everyone needs love and support. Everyone is hiding behind their own mask, carrying their own weighted backpack, and doing their best just to make it through the day. My heart has been humbled so many times throughout my recent experiences, and I truly believe that I am becoming a better person because of it. I try a lot, and I fail a lot, but I keep on trying, and that is all I can really ask of myself. But what’s more important is that I’m slowly realizing that the people around me aren’t going to get it right every single time, either. They will fail, and they might even fail ME, but that is no excuse for me to stop trying. Life is about finding a constant balance of give and take, about learning who pushes you to be better, and who only holds you back. It’s about giving again when you feel like you can’t give anymore, and it’s about the people who rise above your expectations and surprise you when you least expect it.
Life is about recognizing and appreciating each other’s differences and realizing that behind the masks and the insecurities and the walls that we build around ourselves, all of our hearts are beating the same beat and we are all doing our bests to fight the great fight just to stay alive.