I have always been a firm believer that people are brought into our lives when we need them most, sometimes positive, sometimes negative, but always for a reason. There are times when we don’t understand what that reason is until we are able to look back on our experiences, and then there are times that the reason is so apparent and outstanding that it can be seen as plain as day.
I was able to spend some time talking to a new friend of mine on Friday night, and the spark and positivity that was created by bringing our energies together could light up a whole room.
I think it is so interesting how different people can affect us in different ways. There are people in our lives that bring out our most beautiful qualities, make us strive to be better individuals, and push us to do our best. On the other hand, there are people that bring out all of our negative qualities, cause toxic and volatile energy, and end up holding us back or tearing us down.
It’s always an interesting process finding out who draws out our best qualities and who magnifies our worst, and it’s not always easy to see. There are times that we are masked by our perception of a situation or our justification for how we WISH something would work out, that we don’t even see all of the negative changes being made to us by surrounding ourself with that person. There have been times in my life when I am so in over my head in a situation that I almost lose myself for a second, and you better believe that I lose my light right along with it.
We all have a light within us as well as a darkness. In order to fully accept the person that you are and become your best “self,” you must fuel your light while embracing your dark. Without your darkness, you will never fully appreciate how bright your light can glow. I feel as though there are times when we try to run from our darkness, suppress it, hide it, pretend it doesn’t exist. But it isn’t until we look our darkness in the eyes, really take on our darkness head on, that we can BEAT IT and move forward with a light that shines brighter than we could ever imagine.
The people that we choose to surround ourselves with are ultimately who we become. Light attracts light while darkness can only be seen when in the dark. This is terrifying and beautiful at the same time. The best part about this is that for the most part, we get to choose who we are surrounding ourselves with. We get to choose whether we will be fueled by someone’s light, or dimmed by someone’s darkness. We determine each and every day which “self” we will put forward, and which forces we will use to impact others. Are you someone who uses your own candle in order to brighten someone else’s outlook, or are you someone who basks with them when they are feeling dark, allowing yourself to let the darkness in, as well?
Along these same lines, it is really interesting to look at the people that choose to appear depending on the way things are going in your life. Most people think that it’s the friends that stick by your side when things are dark that matter the most, but in my opinion, it is the people that are happy to see your light that deserve the most credit. How hard is it to sit around moping and feel sorry for someone when they are having a bad day? Not hard at all. And while on that note, how easy is it to almost feel a little better about ourselves and our lives when we see someone experiencing a rough patch?
It’s the people that are TRULY happy to see your success that end up bringing the most positivity to your life. The people that lift you up when you are feeling down, not the ones that stoop to your level and hang out in the darkness with you.
It’s much easier said than done, but I have discovered over the years how much light can be brought into my life by celebrating other’s achievements and feeling happy to see other people do well. Rather than feel resentful and think, “Why do THEY get ______?” Look inward, and think “what is it that I am doing that is holding ME back from ______?” Or “What steps can I take in order to get where I want to be?” We can use other’s success as motivation, inspiration, and positive energy, or we can choose to suck the life out of someone’s achievements and be the kind of person that no one wants to be excited around in fear that we will end up bringing them down.
Ultimately, no one is perfect and there will be days when your darkness gets the best of you. You can choose to wake up the next morning and hang out in the dark, or you can choose to FIND YOUR LIGHT and make it so bright that even the darkest darkness couldn’t dim your shine.
3 thoughts on “Fuel your light while embracing your dark”
“It’s the people that are TRULY happy to see your success that end up bringing the most positivity to your life. The people that lift you up when you are feeling down, not the ones that stoop to your level and hang out in the darkness with you” – I think you’re article is ok but this point is utter bull. People that are happy when you are happy but ditch you when you are sad are not true friends, they are the ones that will use you and ride the wave of your success to feel better about themselves. Not even ditch you but when you are sad and these “cheerful friends” don’t stoop down to your level to share in your pain is arrogance on their part. You, from my knowledge, believe friends are on a pedestal and, even in moments of complete pain, they shouldn’t try and talk to you or help you but make you deny your feelings. However, the ones that stay with you in darkness yet leave you when you are happy are also false friends, this I agree with. True friends are those that will stay with you no matter the situation. They are the friends that are happy when you’re happy and sad when you’re sad. They will feel the pain when you are broken but will also gain confidence from your success. If the person only feels one or the other, a true friend they can never be. A true friend will not make you too happy or too sad. They are the ones that will help keep balance in your life. They will make you happy if you’ve been sad for too long but will kick you down if you’re being too proudful. It is natural.
On another point, I think you’re article contradicts itself. You say one should embrace their darkness to fuel their light but you clearly end with “You can choose to wake up the next morning and hang out in the dark, or you can choose to FIND YOUR LIGHT and make it so bright that even the darkest darkness couldn’t dim your shine”. What are you trying to say? It’s a pointless ending which confuses me. To embrace your darkness is to find the evil in you and let it out, to be comfortable with it and, above all, be in control of it. To choose, not so much. You cannot wake up one morning and say you will be happy. It doesn’t work that way. You wake up one morning and say “I am in control of my emotions. I am confident to express myself in a controlled manner regardless of the situation. I will not hold anything back because I know how to control what I do and say”. You seem to end by saying if you get into a darkness, run. Don’t try to understand the darkness but find the light and run towards it because darkness is scary and not worth your time. Surely, if that is the case, then you aren’t facing it. You’re merely running away and, in that case, you can never truly embrace your darkness or be completely yourself.
I really appreciate your comments and response to my post. I think you might have misinterpreted the comment you quoted, but I see how it could have easily been interpreted the wrong way. I whole-heartedly agree that a friend who only stays when things are good and abandons you when things are bad is not a true friend at all. What I meant to say is that it’s really hard to find people who are TRULY happy for your successes. It’s a lot easier to find people who want to sit around and hear about how bad your life is and bask within your failures rather than help you see the light within you and help you reach your full potential. I used to think that my truest friends were the people who would talk to me about my problems and listen to my failures, but once I stepped back and looked at the situation I saw that a lot of these people actually got gratification when I was sad and would disappear or pick me apart when I saw any form of success. Just as much as a friend who only sticks around when things are good is not a friend, someone also ins’t a true friend if they only want to hear about how bad things are but cannot feel truly happy for you when you achieve success.
I also understand how my thoughts may seem contradictory in regards to the light and dark within someone. I think this is because I struggle with it on a daily basis. I used to have a disabling darkness that lived within me for 22 years of my life. I spent so much time trying to hide my darkness that I didn’t have any time to focus on my light. It wasn’t until I stared my demons in the face and allowed myself to accept both the light and darkness within me that I was able to find a balance and realize that my light needs my dark in order to exist. Without a contrast, one knows no difference between light and dark.
I hope that makes sense, and I appreciate you for reaching out. I often write these posts in an attempt to give the swirling thoughts in my mind a permanent home on paper and I don’t even care if they fully make sense or follow any sort of sequential manner. It’s just nice to have a keyboard that always listens and a mind that is allowed the chance to clear itself.
Again, thanks for your comments and for approaching me in a respectful way. Be well, Macaile