Finding what I wasn’t looking for

Man, so much has changed over the past few months and I am finally finding time to sit down and get some of my thoughts out of my head and onto the keyboard. I have found myself in a really present, calm, and happy head-space lately, and I have found that my heart-space has followed […]

Read More

it’s not goodbye, it’s see you soon.

  Since before I can remember, I asked for a big brother for Christmas. But not just for Christmas, literally any chance I ever got. I begged my parents to no avail, and eventually ended up kind of giving up on the whole idea. (Especially when I realized the technicalities of asking for a sibling […]

Read More

a softer trip around the sun

This morning, I woke up and took a walk for an hour by myself. My breath felt kind of shallow and no matter how deep I tried to inhale, it felt like it was stunted by something. Shortened. Being pressed back out. I came home and stayed busy; laundry and meal prep, cleaning and chores. […]

Read More

if we choose to look in its direction

I feel like this is what always happens, so I’m sorry if I sound like a broken record (with a few months in between each record playing.) But here I am, writing a stupid blog post just to prove to myself that I can. Just to start and finish something. Just to get some of […]

Read More

When love comes back

I used to hope that there would be fireworks and confetti when love found me again. I begged for some kind of sign that I would be able to see or hear or feel all the screaming yeses promising me that love had really come back around. I practiced noticing the subtle differences between the […]

Read More

the year that made me whole

It’s been a while since I sat down to simply write. Without structure or intention, without plans or expectation. I’ve been avoiding writing this and simultaneously excited for this day to come and go for 365 days now. A year ago to this date, the entire foundation I had built my life upon was completely […]

Read More

let go of your checklist; let love find you

I used to be so certain about what it was I wanted in a significant other. Funny. Smart. Charming. Kind. Driven. Tall. Active. Ambitious. Smart. I had a laundry list I checked off with each person I met, and I often discovered within the first conversation I knew whether or not we’d be riding off […]

Read More

what you can’t fix, you can heal

Some might say I’ve had to learn a lot of things “the hard way” in life. I was molested as a child, I lost my dad unexpectedly at 25-years-old, and I found out that my fiancé was cheating on me 7 days before what was supposed to be my dream wedding, leaving me to deal […]

Read More

what it means to matter

I remember sitting next to my dad’s bed in the emergency room while nurses and technicians rushed in and out, in and out, in and out. I didn’t notice much of the chaos around me; I just stared at my dad’s chest and held my breath as I begged for him to take another one. […]

Read More

what love isn’t.

When you get your heart broken, if you’re anything like me, you want to figure out what you did wrong immediately in order to make sure none of these same shards of heartbreak ever cut you again. I’ve gone back and analyzed every word, every argument; and every hidden meaning I thought might be intertwined […]

Read More