what it means to matter

I remember sitting next to my dad’s bed in the emergency room while nurses and technicians rushed in and out, in and out, in and out. I didn’t notice much of the chaos around me; I just stared at my dad’s chest and held my breath as I begged for him to take another one. […]

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what love isn’t.

When you get your heart broken, if you’re anything like me, you want to figure out what you did wrong immediately in order to make sure none of these same shards of heartbreak ever cut you again. I’ve gone back and analyzed every word, every argument; and every hidden meaning I thought might be intertwined […]

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cheers to 27

Two years ago to this exact date, I sat upstairs in the guest room of my parent’s house drinking wine alone, writing about 10 important things I had learned in my 25 short years of being alive. I wrote about how my past self would have guaranteed I’d have it all together by 25. A […]

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Tonight, my words are ready.

I have learned that when the words are ready, they will come. Whether you are sitting at your keyboard or sitting in traffic, the words will come and they will claw their way out of you until you let them be heard. Tonight, my words are ready. They are not pretty or decorated with sugar […]

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they both will come.

I’ve continued to find so much hope and comfort in writing again. This feeling of heart-ripped-open, teeth chattering, tears flowing, keys pounding on the keyboard feeling is far from foreign to me and, each time life guides me back to this place, a small part of me feels like I’m coming home. I still find […]

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a letter to the warrior women who saved me.

The past month has been full of so much loss, so much heartache, and so much grief. It has been floodgates opening, screaming silence and unanswered questions; it has been picking myself up only to fall down all over again. It has been questioning and clawing, reaching and grasping, it has been hopeless and terrifying […]

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all the ways you’ll find me {poetry}

Tell me all of the ways you’re sorry. I’ll tell you how I’m not sorry for all the ways you’ll find me long after I leave. You made this bed and I am the reason she will be scared to look underneath when it’s time to go to sleep. She will not see me in […]

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[ME]et again

[ME]et again   So we meet again. Falling to the floor like a newborn calf, I swear I was walking seconds ago. face meets carpet and it feels like I’m screaming no one would know I was home if they were standing outside my door It’s like I’m running away while standing still spinning in […]

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he’ll listen, but he will already know.

  I remember wishing more than anything for my dad to visit me in my dreams after he passed away. I almost felt angry when friends or family told me that he was in theirs, like I was being cheated out of seeing him, or he was choosing to visit other people first, or maybe […]

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so here I am, surviving.

I promised myself I would start writing again. I thought it would help. Force me to talk about the things I was feeling with paper the way I used to. Writing was one of the only things that truly understood me for a really long time. So, I said it was time to start back […]

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