changing the ending this time

I don’t know how to exist in a healthy relationship. I am literally just barely recognizing that I’ve never even had one, and it’s terrifying to feel like some weird lens has been removed from my eyes. At 30, I’m finally learning (ready to learn? hoping to learn?) skills vital to loving and being loved. […]

Read More

{the first time I met grief}

The first time I met grief, I didn’t know what to do with him. He showed up at my door like a child dressed up as the grim reaper. He looked just as scared as I was. We stared at each other and I tried to close the door, but he showed up by my […]

Read More

let go of your checklist; let love find you

I used to be so certain about what it was I wanted in a significant other. Funny. Smart. Charming. Kind. Driven. Tall. Active. Ambitious. Smart. I had a laundry list I checked off with each person I met, and I often discovered within the first conversation I knew whether or not we’d be riding off […]

Read More

what love isn’t.

When you get your heart broken, if you’re anything like me, you want to figure out what you did wrong immediately in order to make sure none of these same shards of heartbreak ever cut you again. I’ve gone back and analyzed every word, every argument; and every hidden meaning I thought might be intertwined […]

Read More

cheers to 27

Two years ago to this exact date, I sat upstairs in the guest room of my parent’s house drinking wine alone, writing about 10 important things I had learned in my 25 short years of being alive. I wrote about how my past self would have guaranteed I’d have it all together by 25. A […]

Read More

they both will come.

I’ve continued to find so much hope and comfort in writing again. This feeling of heart-ripped-open, teeth chattering, tears flowing, keys pounding on the keyboard feeling is far from foreign to me and, each time life guides me back to this place, a small part of me feels like I’m coming home. I still find […]

Read More

he’ll listen, but he will already know.

  I remember wishing more than anything for my dad to visit me in my dreams after he passed away. I almost felt angry when friends or family told me that he was in theirs, like I was being cheated out of seeing him, or he was choosing to visit other people first, or maybe […]

Read More

The 25 Years I Was Lucky Enough to Have Don Hutt as My Daddy

  Donald Hutt November 24, 1952 – March 23, 2015 Donald Orval Hutt, 62, of Boise, Idaho, passed away at home March 23, 2015 after a recent bout of medical conditions and a lifelong search to find peace. Don spent his last few months on Earth surrounded by enough love, support, and care to help […]

Read More

7 Things Nobody Tells You When You Have A Broken Heart

Things they ‘will’ tell you * It’ll be worth it * You’re better off * You’ll find what you’re looking for * I’m here for you * Time will heal * It’s going to be okay Things they ‘won’t’ tell you 1. Sometimes it feels like it wasn’t worth it. Sometimes the good memories creep in […]

Read More

10 Things You Should Know By The Time You’re 25

10 Things You Should Know By The Time You’re 25 I remember the days when I knew for sure I’d have it all figured out by 25. I’d have a husband, kids, a white picket fence, a retirement, and all of the stars would twinkle my name as I taught the rest of the world […]

Read More