5 years. This morning I woke up with the beautiful sawtooth mountains as a backdrop for my morning, sipping coffee and taking in every fragment of the moment as my heart broke and mended a million times over. Thousands of pieces shattering apart and pulling back together, a beautiful ebb and flow that I have […]
Read More
Grief is the craziest experience of my life, thus far. It is not linear. It does not follow a path or a pattern or any type of algorithm that we can track. It just, is. And, some days, grief is filled with the darkest shade of blue I have ever encountered. It swallows you whole […]
Read More
Man, so much has changed over the past few months and I am finally finding time to sit down and get some of my thoughts out of my head and onto the keyboard. I have found myself in a really present, calm, and happy head-space lately, and I have found that my heart-space has followed […]
Read More
Hi Dad, Happy birthday. I wish you were here so I could show up at your house unannounced with a bottle of Calvin cologne and we could watch football and talk about work, and life, and if I’ve “dated any knuckleheads” lately. I miss resting my head on your shoulder while you explained why there […]
Read More
This morning, I woke up and took a walk for an hour by myself. My breath felt kind of shallow and no matter how deep I tried to inhale, it felt like it was stunted by something. Shortened. Being pressed back out. I came home and stayed busy; laundry and meal prep, cleaning and chores. […]
Read More
I feel like this is what always happens, so I’m sorry if I sound like a broken record (with a few months in between each record playing.) But here I am, writing a stupid blog post just to prove to myself that I can. Just to start and finish something. Just to get some of […]
Read More
Daddy, Today, you would be 65. 65. It’s hard to grasp, really. In my eyes, you will always be strong, outstretched arms, golden tan skin, hands 5 times as big as mine, spinning me ‘round and ‘round and ‘round in the back yard. You will always be late night trips to Pojos, winning me every […]
Read More
The first time I met grief, I didn’t know what to do with him. He showed up at my door like a child dressed up as the grim reaper. He looked just as scared as I was. We stared at each other and I tried to close the door, but he showed up by my […]
Read More
It’s been a while since I sat down to simply write. Without structure or intention, without plans or expectation. I’ve been avoiding writing this and simultaneously excited for this day to come and go for 365 days now. A year ago to this date, the entire foundation I had built my life upon was completely […]
Read More
Some might say I’ve had to learn a lot of things “the hard way” in life. I was molested as a child, I lost my dad unexpectedly at 25-years-old, and I found out that my fiancé was cheating on me 7 days before what was supposed to be my dream wedding, leaving me to deal […]
Read More
take.your.heart 