they both will come.

I’ve continued to find so much hope and comfort in writing again. This feeling of heart-ripped-open, teeth chattering, tears flowing, keys pounding on the keyboard feeling is far from foreign to me and, each time life guides me back to this place, a small part of me feels like I’m coming home. I still find […]

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a letter to the warrior women who saved me.

The past month has been full of so much loss, so much heartache, and so much grief. It has been floodgates opening, screaming silence and unanswered questions; it has been picking myself up only to fall down all over again. It has been questioning and clawing, reaching and grasping, it has been hopeless and terrifying […]

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all the ways you’ll find me {poetry}

Tell me all of the ways you’re sorry. I’ll tell you how I’m not sorry for all the ways you’ll find me long after I leave. You made this bed and I am the reason she will be scared to look underneath when it’s time to go to sleep. She will not see me in […]

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[ME]et again

[ME]et again   So we meet again. Falling to the floor like a newborn calf, I swear I was walking seconds ago. face meets carpet and it feels like I’m screaming no one would know I was home if they were standing outside my door It’s like I’m running away while standing still spinning in […]

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This is how we love now;

This is how we love now. Good morning text messages and Facebook official posts. Undressing our clothes as we build walls around our hearts, No one ever truly sees us naked anymore. This is how we love now. Love is not intercepted notes in English class and hanging up each time his dad answers the […]

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A letter for the broken hearted 

Maybe you needed this as much as I did. Thank you for reminding me that some tears are happy.  Macaile, I often think where my life would be if my sister hadn’t passed away 7 years ago. I can promise you I wouldn’t be sitting here in front of the pacific ocean looking over the […]

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he’ll listen, but he will already know.

  I remember wishing more than anything for my dad to visit me in my dreams after he passed away. I almost felt angry when friends or family told me that he was in theirs, like I was being cheated out of seeing him, or he was choosing to visit other people first, or maybe […]

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so here I am, surviving.

I promised myself I would start writing again. I thought it would help. Force me to talk about the things I was feeling with paper the way I used to. Writing was one of the only things that truly understood me for a really long time. So, I said it was time to start back […]

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An angel named Steve

  When we lose someone we love, we begin clinging to our memories and reaching for any and all signs that our loved one is still with us. We begin finding hope in feathers and 11:11 wishes and songs on the radio we swear had to have been divinely intervened. Sometimes puzzle pieces fall from […]

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If I never knew my dad; {I’ve decided this:}

  Grief does some crazy things to a person, and sometimes the very pit of the grief is enough to make you think, do, and feel things that would otherwise be unimaginable (like wondering if life would be better now if I never knew my dad from the start.) I’ve decided this. If I never […]

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