I don’t know how to exist in a healthy relationship. I am literally just barely recognizing that I’ve never even had one, and it’s terrifying to feel like some weird lens has been removed from my eyes. At 30, I’m finally learning (ready to learn? hoping to learn?) skills vital to loving and being loved. […]
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5 years. This morning I woke up with the beautiful sawtooth mountains as a backdrop for my morning, sipping coffee and taking in every fragment of the moment as my heart broke and mended a million times over. Thousands of pieces shattering apart and pulling back together, a beautiful ebb and flow that I have […]
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Grief is the craziest experience of my life, thus far. It is not linear. It does not follow a path or a pattern or any type of algorithm that we can track. It just, is. And, some days, grief is filled with the darkest shade of blue I have ever encountered. It swallows you whole […]
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4 years. Today it has been four years since my dad passed away. It feels like so much longer and so much shorter all at the same time. I am thankful that I still reach for my phone to call him when I need to ask a question that only he knows the answer to […]
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Man, so much has changed over the past few months and I am finally finding time to sit down and get some of my thoughts out of my head and onto the keyboard. I have found myself in a really present, calm, and happy head-space lately, and I have found that my heart-space has followed […]
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Since before I can remember, I asked for a big brother for Christmas. But not just for Christmas, literally any chance I ever got. I begged my parents to no avail, and eventually ended up kind of giving up on the whole idea. (Especially when I realized the technicalities of asking for a sibling […]
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Hi Dad, Happy birthday. I wish you were here so I could show up at your house unannounced with a bottle of Calvin cologne and we could watch football and talk about work, and life, and if I’ve “dated any knuckleheads” lately. I miss resting my head on your shoulder while you explained why there […]
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This morning, I woke up and took a walk for an hour by myself. My breath felt kind of shallow and no matter how deep I tried to inhale, it felt like it was stunted by something. Shortened. Being pressed back out. I came home and stayed busy; laundry and meal prep, cleaning and chores. […]
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I feel like this is what always happens, so I’m sorry if I sound like a broken record (with a few months in between each record playing.) But here I am, writing a stupid blog post just to prove to myself that I can. Just to start and finish something. Just to get some of […]
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It’s been a while since I have taken the time to sit down and write; no agenda, no real reason, just a chance to get my thoughts on paper and maybe help even just one person feel like they aren’t alone in the current storms or struggles they’re encountering. I have chosen not to talk […]
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take.your.heart 